When you have a loved one who is struggling with alcoholism or addiction, you want to be there for them. You may not exactly know how, but you want to be there for them in a way that is supportive, yet not enabling. Whether your loved one has been struggling for just a short while or has been struggling for years with alcohol abuse or drug addiction, you may have some questions on coping with a spouse’s addiction or wonder if there are support groups for spouses of addicts.

Coping with a Spouse’s Addiction

Being supportive but not enabling your partner is a learning process. It’s alright not to know exactly how to do it right now and it’s alright if things don’t always go as planned. Whether your loved one is in recovery or just hasn’t come to the point where he or she wants to quit yet, you can learn ways of coping with a spouse’s addiction. The following are important things to keep in mind:

• Communicate openly – You want to approach your partner in a loving and non-judgmental way. If you go to him angry or nagging, it’s likely he will become defensive or react harshly. Go to him with your concerns in a loving way, not expecting anything in particular. Just let him know you’re concerned about his behavior and ask him what’s going on. He may share of he may not, but at least you’ve opened the door for communication without judging him harshly.
• Take care of you – Self-care is important. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the addict’s world and worry all the time. It’s easy to lose yourself in the addiction, so learning how to best care for yourself can be helpful for you and ultimately, your spouse.
• Educate yourself on addiction – Take some time to read about addiction and coping with spouse addiction.

Support Groups for Spouses of Addicts

You may need to attend support groups for spouses of addicts, such as Al-Anon if alcoholism is his drug of choice, Nar-Anon if drugs are in play, or Codependents Anonymous. There you will be surrounded by others who are similar shoes. You’ll be able to get yourself a sponsor or mentor that will be there for you and help you get through this time in your life. There are 12 Steps that you can work that will help you take care of you and learn how to set and keep boundaries. There are also a variety of non 12 step support groups one can visit, depending upon what they want and need in their recovery. Going to a support group can help you best take care of your emotions and be very supportive of your partner at the same time.

Addiction Can Destroy Relationships

Many people think that it’s only the alcoholic or drug addict that suffers, but the reality is that friends and families suffer, too. Addiction in its many forms has destroyed many relationships and families. In marriages, where one is addicted to alcohol or drugs, the other spouse oftentimes becomes an enabler, enabling the addiction to continue by his words or actions. In fact, sometimes it’s necessary for the loved one of the addict to get into a support group for spouses of addicts.

What Does Enabling Mean?

There is a difference between being supportive and enabling your loved one. Enabling means that you say or do something that ultimately encourages the addict to continue abusing alcohol or drugs. You may not be doing this consciously, but you do it over and over again.

Enabling behaviors include going to pick up loved one in the middle of the night because he lost his keys because he was drunk. Or, it could be giving your loved one money when he is broke because of his addictive behaviors, calling in sick for your loved one for work because of his addiction, lying for your loved one, coddling him because you feel bad for him, ignoring destructive behavior, and so on.

Being with an alcoholic or addict can be challenging. Give yourself some time to learn how to best support him/her without enabling, and if you find you need professional help, don’t be afraid to reach out. There’s so much you can learn from a counselor who has helped other spouses of addicts – and they can help you too.