Relationships can be tricky enough during good times. If people are abusing drugs or alcohol, or even if they’re in recovery from such abuse, relationships can be even more difficult.

When people are abusing substances, drugs or alcohol seem to become the third person in their relationships. In fact, addicts seem to value drugs or alcohol more than their actual partners. That’s because drugs or alcohol take over all aspects of addicts’ lives.

Addicts neglect or even abuse their real, human partners. They increasingly spend more time, money, and effort pursuing and using drugs and alcohol. This is time, energy, and money that they formerly applied to other aspects of their lives, including their relationships.

The partners of addicts can see that these addictions are destroying the relationships. They’re also destroying their partners’ health, personalities, careers, and other relationships. But the partners do not have the power to change everything on their own.

Yes, the partners of addicts can help the partners enter rehab or join a program. But they usually can’t do this unless their partners agree to seek help themselves. The partners do not have as much power to change things as the addicts themselves do. The partners are stuck in a limbo between wanting to help and not being able to help as much as they want.

That’s why it is a good idea for partners and family members to seek their own help. If the loved ones seek therapy, they might be able to discover why they’re in such relationships. They might be able to develop tactics for coping. If the relationships do them more harm than good, the loved ones can explore whether to end such relationships entirely.

Addiction can destroy addicts. It can also be devastating to the people in their lives. Addiction causes collateral damage. Seeking help can repair this damage and try to prevent more from occurring in the future.