Dependency. It’s a word that relates to addiction and relationships. In fact, dependency (or codependency), addiction, and relationships can be connected in different, complex ways.
We often hear the term codependent, but what does it really mean? A codependent person has a relationship or an emotional attachment to someone who is suffering from drug or alcohol abuse or another condition. Even though the person is supposed to be healthy, this person sacrifices his or her own needs or control to the person with the illness.
Since the people caring for the sick people sacrifice so much, they lose themselves in their codependent relationships. They depend on those people for their self-worth and identity.
But drug and alcohol abuse is selfish. Addicts often don’t want to help other people build their self-worth and separate identities. Addiction could make them hurt people who already have low opinions of themselves. Addiction wants other people to make even more sacrifices, even when it never sacrifices anything in return.
Caretakers might believe that these bad behaviors prove that their significant others are truly sick. They might say that they need to stay in these relationships in order to try to help their partners. They could be trying to justify why they’re in such harmful one-sided relationships.
Caretakers might continue dysfunctional relationships for other reasons. Caretakers might feel as if they’ve invested everything into these relationships and might be embarrassed if they don’t succeed. They might feel as if they’re failures if the relationships end or their partners are still struggling with substance use disorder.
They might feel as if they have no other options. If they’ve invested everything into their relationships, these caretakers might feel as if they have nothing left to give. They might be afraid of not being in relationships and cling to the relationships that they have, however dysfunctional they might be.
Drugs and alcohol make relationships even more complex than they already are. But just like addiction, there are effective treatments that can help treat codependency.
