A diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a tricky thing—it’s not just that the person diagnosed believes they are larger than life, but also has difficulty feeling empathy for others, among other symptoms. On the outside, it can be difficult to understand a person with this diagnosis, because they might seem very selfish and act in ways that aren’t considerate or kind to others. But there’s something else going on underneath the surface for someone with this diagnosis; something a little more desperate that requires understanding and patience.

When it comes to substance use disorder, there’s a few ways that a substance use disorder disorder and NPD relate. An addict without the diagnosis might behave in disrespectful ways toward others—stealing from friends and family members, damaging relationships through hurtful words and disagreements, denying ones addiction, and more. While an addict might display narcissistic traits in active addiction, they aren’t necessarily a narcissist per se.

But with diagnosed narcissism and substance use disorder, it might seem as though the individual enjoys their addiction; that recovery is a way to exhibit ones issues and problems in a way that garners attention. Or that other self-defeating behaviors are exhibited, in the form of using more and more, and seeming to enjoy cravings. A narcissist will also latch onto any person that provides them with the self-assurance they need, and they’ll only hear what they want to hear—a narcissist will be quick to ditch any person who doesn’t assist with keeping them addicted.

Humility (and being a decent human being in general) factors into the process of recovery. If you aren’t willing to admit where you’ve done wrong or hurt someone, you’ll never recover (from addiction OR symptoms of narcissism).

And if you truly believe you are strong, capable, extraordinary, and better than everyone else, you’ll stay seated in addiction and damaging behaviors.